• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • BLOG
  • Newsletters
  • Reviews
    • Our Reviews
    • Review Us
  • Videos
  • Contact Us
  • WhoWe Are
    • A Message From Mark Costley
    • Meet Our Team
  • WhatWe Do
    • Advanced Estate Planning
      • Asset Protection
      • Business Succession Planning
      • Charitable Giving
      • Family Foundation
      • Family Limited Partnerships
      • Grantor Retained Annuity Trust
      • Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust
      • Planning For Charitable Gifts
      • Special Needs Planning
    • Counseling Non-Profits
    • Elder Law and Special Needs Planning
    • Estate and Gift Tax Planning
    • Estate Planning
    • Power of Attorney
    • Probate & Trust Administration
    • Process
    • SECURE Act
    • Social Entrepreneurship & Business Law
  • WhyWe Do It
    • Peace Of Mind
  • Resources
    • Caregiving Resources
      • Caregiving Worksheets
      • Our Book
    • Definitions
    • Elder Law Reports
    • Estate Planning Resources
      • Estate Planning Articles
      • Estate Plan Checkup
      • Estate Planning Reports
      • Is Your Estate Plan Outdated?
      • Top 10 Estate Planning Techniques
    • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Elder Law
      • Estate Planning
      • Estate Planning for Parents
      • FAQs for Families Without an Estate Plan
      • Divorce and Your Estate Plan
      • Estate Planning for Women
      • Estate Planning 101
      • Legacy Wealth Planning
      • LGBTQ Estate Planning
      • Nursing Home Planning
      • Spliter
        • Philanthropy and Your Estate Plan
        • Planning for Dementia
        • Probate
        • Serving as Executor
        • Special Needs Planning
        • Tax Avoidance Planning
        • Trust Administration
        • Trust Administration & Probate
        • Social Security Retirement System
        • Will Contests
    • Pre Consultation Form
    • Probate Resources
      • Chapel Hill Probate
      • Raleigh Probate Resources
    • Professional Resources

Clarity Legal Group

Estate Planning Information Center

919-484-0012 Schedule Consultation
Attend a Free Seminar
  • WhoWe Are
    • A Message From Mark Costley
    • Meet Our Team
  • WhatWe Do
    • Advanced Estate Planning
      • Asset Protection
      • Business Succession Planning
      • Charitable Giving
      • Family Foundation
      • Family Limited Partnerships
      • Grantor Retained Annuity Trust
      • Irrevocable Life Insurance Trust
      • Planning For Charitable Gifts
      • Special Needs Planning
    • Counseling Non-Profits
    • Elder Law and Special Needs Planning
    • Estate and Gift Tax Planning
    • Estate Planning
    • Power of Attorney
    • Probate & Trust Administration
    • Process
    • SECURE Act
    • Social Entrepreneurship & Business Law
  • WhyWe Do It
    • Peace Of Mind
  • Resources
    • Caregiving Resources
      • Caregiving Worksheets
      • Our Book
    • Definitions
    • Elder Law Reports
    • Estate Planning Resources
      • Estate Planning Articles
      • Estate Plan Checkup
      • Estate Planning Reports
      • Is Your Estate Plan Outdated?
      • Top 10 Estate Planning Techniques
    • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Elder Law
      • Estate Planning
      • Estate Planning for Parents
      • FAQs for Families Without an Estate Plan
      • Divorce and Your Estate Plan
      • Estate Planning for Women
      • Estate Planning 101
      • Legacy Wealth Planning
      • LGBTQ Estate Planning
      • Nursing Home Planning
      • Spliter
        • Philanthropy and Your Estate Plan
        • Planning for Dementia
        • Probate
        • Serving as Executor
        • Special Needs Planning
        • Tax Avoidance Planning
        • Trust Administration
        • Trust Administration & Probate
        • Social Security Retirement System
        • Will Contests
    • Pre Consultation Form
    • Probate Resources
      • Chapel Hill Probate
      • Raleigh Probate Resources
    • Professional Resources
Home » BLOG » Elder Law » Solutions When Siblings Cannot Agree on Medical Care for A Parent

Solutions When Siblings Cannot Agree on Medical Care for A Parent

Durham Elder Law Attorneys

I spent twenty years of my legal career as a part time Mediator of civil court disputes in North Carolina Superior Court. I can’t say I enjoyed every mediation, but I can say I learned a lot in this process which informs my work with families undergoing the stress of the death of a loved one or caring for a loved one who is experiencing serious health challenges.

Unfortunately, decisions relating to an aging parent’s care can often spur conflict among siblings. If you and your siblings cannot agree on an overall plan of care for a parent, or even on a specific medical procedure, it can present a serious problem. In this blog I want to give you the basics of the options in this situation. Sadly, I have had many clients come to me in precisely this predicament and thinking the only option is suing a close family member. That, of course, is never what the parent wanted. No two situations are exactly the same; however, I can offer some general suggestions for you if you find yourself disagreeing with siblings about how best to care for a parent.

How Did We Get Here?

When you and your siblings were children, your parents cared for, supported, and made important decisions for you. At some point, you and your siblings reached adulthood and learned to take of yourselves. Most of us do not consciously realize that our parents are aging right along with us. That means that your parents will likely reach a point of declining health eventually. Sometimes this decline in health can include a significant decline in mental capacity. At some point, you may experience a role reversal of sorts. You and your siblings now need to care for, support, and make decisions for one or both parents. Accepting the fact that a parent can no longer safely care for himself/herself is difficult enough from an emotional standpoint. It can also result in practical problems if you and your siblings cannot agree on how to care for that parent – or even if the parent needs care. If your parent has reached a point where the law considers him/her to be incapacitated, it means your parent cannot make health care decisions. Consequently, someone else must make them. If you and your siblings are the closest relatives alive, and you cannot agree on a plan of care, it creates friction within the family as well as a significant legal problem.

Do you Parents have an Advance Directive and Health Care Power of Attorney?

If your parents had good legal advice, they executed the appropriate legal documents. In most cases, these legal documents will function as powerful and effective tools in resolving the decision making roles. Once everyone understand how and by whom a decision will be made, and that this is the choice of the Parent, it may eliminate the need for further action. In the State of North Carolina, a Health Care Power of Attorney allows someone to appoint an Agent to make decisions for them in the event they are unable to make those decisions because of incapacity. The documents specifies who the decision maker is, specifies that the powers are activated by the conclusion of a treating physician that the parent lacks the capacity to make his or her own decisions, and then may give some guidance as to how decisions are made. Basically, the Health Care Power of Attorney — the Agent — steps into the shoes of the person who appointed them and exercises that authority. Thus, an Agent has the authority to do things such as consent, refuse to consent, or withdraw consent to medical treatment on behalf of the person executing the document. Find out if your parent executed a North Carolina Health Care Power of Attorney. Check with your parent’s estate planning attorney, family physician, and local hospital if you are unsure.

When it comes to end-of-life decisions, such as the decision to withhold life prolonging medical treatment, this is best controlled in North Carolina by a Living Will, what is more formally known as an Advance Directive for a Natural Death. This is an instruction from the principal — in this case the parent — specifying that there are certain circumstances in which they want care withheld and to allow their process of dying to progress without efforts to prolong their life. This document takes the form of a legally enforceable instruction from the parent to his or her doctor. The North Carolina Living Will asks specifically whether the Agent under the Health Care Power of Attorney is bound to follow the Living Will or whether they have the authority to give the health care provider different instructions. In any event, the Agent under the Health Care Power of Attorney is the person with authority to make decision surrounding the implementation of the instructions in the Living Will, such as the identify of the physician, the location of treatment, and the timing of certain actions.

In the absence of conflict between children, most health care providers will implement end-of-life instructions appearing in a Living Will in consultation with all of the immediate family who have expressed an interest.

Options for Avoiding the Judicial System

If your parent did not execute a Health Care Power of Attorney, there are some options that may help if your siblings are willing to participate. You might try counseling with a therapist who specializes in elder issues. You might also all agree to hire a geriatric care manager. A geriatric care manager is often a social worker or nurse who specializes in assessing a senior’s needs and coordinating the care and resources necessary to help them.

Petitioning for Guardianship

If all else fails, you may need to consider becoming your parent’s legal guardian. If he or she is truly unable to make decisions, then someone else needs to have the legal authority to do so. Petitioning to become your parent’s legal guardian will give you that authority. Because guardianship is the most restrictive option, and because your siblings have the right to object to your appointment, you should consider guardianship an avenue of last resort. Guardianship can be a complicated legal process. As such, you should consult with an experienced elder law attorney if you believe guardianship is the best option, particularly if you expect opposition to your petition.

Contact Durham Estate Planning and Elder Law Attorneys

If you have additional questions or concerns regarding guardianship or other elder law issues, please contact the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill estate planning and elder law attorneys at Clarity Legal Group by calling us at 919-484-0012 or contact us online.

  • Author
  • Recent Posts
by Mark Costley
by Mark Costley
Attorney and Founder at Clarity Legal Group®
With more than 30 years’ experience in private practice, Mark Costley has helped hundreds of North Carolinians with estate planning, living trusts, financial law, probate, and trust administration. Mark’s work involves elements of teaching, strategic analysis and planning, documentation, and assisting clients in implementing their plans. He is devoted to providing the best in planning, efficiency, administration, and asset protection. For more information, email Mark at mark@claritylegalgroup.com, call 919-484-0012, or visit us on the web at claritylegalgroup.com.
by Mark Costley
Latest posts by by Mark Costley (see all)
  • Why Liquidity Is Important Within Your Estate Plan - May 15, 2023
  • What Is the Medicaid “Spend Down” Requirement? - March 20, 2023
  • If I’m the Trustee Do I Need an Attorney to Help? - February 25, 2023

Date: June 16, 2022 Category: Elder Law

Clarity Legal Group

Subscribe to Our Blog

Join the Clarity Legal Group® community by subscribing to our blogs addressing estate planning, elder law, asset protection, healthcare planning, special needs planning, charitable giving and more.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Follow Us

Address

Clarity Legal Group
1414 Raleigh Road Suite 445
Chapel Hill, NC 27517
United States (US)
Phone: 919-484-0012

reply@claritylegalgroup.com

Mailing Address
PO Box 2207
Chapel Hill, NC 27515

Exchange West Office Map

Office Hours

Monday9:00 AM - 5:30 PM
Tuesday9:00 AM - 5:30 PM
Wednesday9:00 AM - 5:30 PM
Thursday9:00 AM - 5:30 PM
Friday9:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Map

clarity_sidbr_map

Clarity Legal Group is conveniently located in the heart of the Triangle, based in Chapel Hill and proudly serving the state of North Carolina including Durham, Cary, Apex, Pittsboro, Hillsborough, Holly Springs, and Raleigh.

  • About The American Academy
  • Disclaimer
  • Diversity
  • Sitemap
  • Privacy Policy
  • © 2023 American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys.
    All Rights Reserved.
    Attorney Advertisement
  • Clarity Legal Group footer logo

    Clarity Legal Group is a registered Trademark and trade name for The Mark Costley Law Group, PLLC


    • Read Our 5-Star Client Reviews

"AV® , AV Preeminent® , Martindale-Hubbell DistinguishedSM and Martindale-Hubbell NotableSM are Certification Marks used under license in accordance with the Martindale-Hubbell® certification procedures, standards and policies."

x

Fill out the form below to access to the worksheets and checklists discussed in The Ultimate Caregiver Guide! After submitting this form, you can clic

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.